July 15, 2008 by amanda.stebbins.

The topic of the week has been leadership…what makes a good leader, how to lead, etc…..it will be the topic of discussion for the next three weeks. The school that I’m a part of right now is called the Basic Leadership School, or BLS for short. I’ve only been in class for two days, but I feel like my head could potentially explode with the thoughts that I have processed through over the past 48 hours.

What is leadership? It seems like the majority of the world I know would classify it as what happens when you work and schmooze your way to the top where you have influence and power. Leadership many times seems like it becomes synonymous with corrupt in society. The leadership that a great majority of people experience is not the kind of leadership that shouldd be experienced.

Leadership is a necessary part of society…there is no way to exist without it. No matter how hard you try, it is nearly impossible to go through life without some sort of leadership…either yourself leading or you following. It’s sad to think that the picture we get of leadership in life is a picture of tyranny to one extreme or a picture of a weak willed person who allows anyone to sway them.

I just finished a book called “A Tale of Three Kings” today…it talked about Saul, David, and Absalom. The book starts out by talking about how David was anointed early in life to become king, but no one recognized that he was king nor did they recognize his authority. He walked in submission to Saul, a king/leader who walked in insecurity, gripping tightly to his power, claiming that it is “his right.” He became so insecure that he decided to throw spears at David, attempting to kill him because he knew that David was to take his throne at some point. Saul just didn’t know how it would come to pass…whether by natural means or by force.

The book also procedes to talk about how we all have a King Saul inside of us. We are all insecure at best when it comes to trying to lead out of our own idea of what leadership is. The self-centered, egotistical, insecure way of leadership we hail in our culture. The question is, will we allow God to strip us of that kind of leadership? Are we willing to let go of that which seems comfortable and natural and safe to pursue a different kind of leadership? The kind of leadership that God calls us to is wrought with difficulty, with pain and with sacrifice. We are called to be servants rather than to be served. We are to be humble rather than prideful. We are to expect difficulty rather than run from it, because it is in the midst of pain that a beautiful thing is born. Pain will bear growth…it will bear life. David bore the pain and the weight quietly. He withstood through the struggle, and as a result, a great leader was born.

David would not rebel against the authority in his life, but rather became broken through his experiences with an authoritarian figure as his king. He would not disgrace or disrespect his king, but rather honored him despite his corruption. David left alone when he left Saul’s presence. He went out to escape death and ended up wandering for quite a while. Suffering was his best friend as he laid, probably wondering what was to come of the anointing that Samuel had poured on him. In the meantime, he wrote songs out of brokenness. In this brokenness, he found the humility necessary to make him a great king. David became a leader in this time, not because he necessarily was seeking leadership, but because God had created him as a leader and people just naturally started to follow him. He refused to give into bitterness that would tear down his life and put his focus back on himself; rather, he accepted what he was given and continued living, growing in the leadership he needed.

Many years later, after David had become king and had been in power for a long time, his son Absalom became rebellious. He wanted his father’s throne and began to show hints of going after it. David was once again faced with a decision, this time whether to transform into the Saul that had inflicted so much pain on David as he was growing and learning and to force Absalom into submission, or to allow Absalom to make his own decisions and risk losing his kingdom. David could have easily subdued Absalom with just a word, and yet he did not want to become another Saul. So instead he did nothing.

David recognized that his leadership was from God, not from man, and that it was God’s decision, not his own, to try to hold the kingdom. David understood that God had anointed him for leading and God was the one who allowed him to function in that position for as long as He wanted. David remained humble in his leadership, understanding that God’s understanding is so much greater than his own, and he was willing to trust God when it came to keeping or forfeiting his kingdom.

Being in a position of leadership is a lot of responsibility to God, to others, and to yourself. Being a leader in the kingdom of God is equivalent to serving all, even the least of those you meet. Even the ones I don’t feel like associating with. Even the ones who do not agree with me. As a leader, I’m called to forfeit my rights in light of others. I was talking with our base director and one of my friends tonight about the base and leadership, and this thought crossed my mind. If we are desiring positions of influence, we will be given the chance to impact other’s lives. What kind of influence do we wish to have? I desire for my actions and words to measure up fully to that which God has called me to, and that at times will require that I sacrifice some of my own rights for the good of others or for the good of a community. It’s hard to sacrifice, but it is completely worth it in light of seeing someone else get closer to God or just becoming a better person overall. I want to remove all barriers I can out of my own life to be able to encourage others and push them beyond where I am. It is an honor to be in leadership, and similarly it is an honor to serve. When leadership becomes selfless, people notice because it is counter-cultural and counter-intuitive. Everything inside me that is of my flesh screams for me to just satisfy myself, to do what is easiest for me. And yet the leadership of Christ calls me to the opposite standard. It calls me to die to myself and to honor the poor, the rude, the mean and the quiet. It calls me to give up my rights so that another may live. And, in light of seeing someone else come alive, the sacrifice is not so great after all. It is rather a joy to see a seed take root and flower.

Leadership is servanthood. True leadership will come in the form of humility and will be birthed out of sacrifice and some suffering. Leadership looks to the good of others rather than the good of ourselves. Our world needs leadership like this, the kind that is willing to die so that others may live.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

July 10, 2008 by amanda.stebbins.

There are many times in life where I feel completely and utterly alone. I have a feeling other people feel this as well, and yet we just hole up and hope that no one else notices. At least that’s what I do.

I know I’m not the most outgoing person in the world. I’m not noticed as much in many situations just due to the fact that I don’t stand out like a neon 80’s t-shirt. And I’m ok with that…I don’t like to stand out. But sometimes being in that position can bring about a certain loneliness in my life. I think I’ve experienced that to some extent this week…I don’t really know where I “fit” yet in this new place in life. So I stand back and watch. I observe people, I observe situations…I am always looking and watching, seeing how people act, what they say. And this week I have felt terribly alone. I want to know where I belong…I want to feel like there really is a place for me in the middle of all the chaos known as life. And yet I have felt terribly unsure of my footing this week in so many different situations. I have felt like all I’ve done is try to get everything to fit in and in the process worn myself down to bits. All the while, of course, feeling pretty alone. To top it off, it seemed like I couldn’t do much really “well and right”. Possibly one of the worst combinations ever. My time with God has been drier than the Sahara and my prayers felt much more forced than natural. It’s been a rough week.

Needless to say, we had worship tonight, so I went. I needed time to just stop and relax. And then God decided to meet me and talk with me about a few things. First, he told me that I am not forgotten in his eyes….rather, he treasures me and calls me beautiful. He has sent me someone that by no means replaces God but rather gives me just a glimpse of the way God pursues me, which he reminded me of tonight. It is difficult to receive that when you feel so incredibly undeserving of the wonderful treatment you are getting. God is speaking to me about rejection. Typically, I’m able to ignore the idea of being rejected. And typically I don’t even really have to think about it because it doesn’t cross my mind. However, God decided to bring it up tonight and to deal rather severely with it. So he spoke truth over me. He told me who I am and what he sees…a beautiful daughter whom he delights in. How does someone receive that after years of feeling forgotten? I feel lost to the world sometimes, which isn’t always bad because it means I can pull away to be alone, but it’s also hard because I ache to be known.

So God told me, “You’re not alone.” Simple enough, but a whole lot to wrap my mind around. He never leaves me, he always hears me, and he always wants to be the rescuer in my life story. Wow. God never desires for me to feel alone, so the Holy Spirit is in me to testify to the extravagant love of God over me and how he never leaves me. My heart hurts to just understand this simple truth. I want it to be made real to me. And so here I sit.

I love God. I love how he speaks, how he works, how he desires for me to never feel alone. I love that the deepest longings of my heart are completely fulfilled by Him. I love how nothing in this world can separate me from his love and how nothing on this earth can ever snatch me out of his hand. I love how he knows exactly how I hurt because he’s felt alone as well. What an amazing God.

Do I still feel sorta alone? Yeah. Does it hurt as much? Not really. I know that tomorrow brings a fresh understanding to who God is and who I am as his beautiful daughter created in his image. I look forward to what he will teach. And I look forward to the time when I can be God’s hands and feet and heart to someone else who feels alone.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

July 8, 2008 by amanda.stebbins.

Today has been my thinking day. I have a lot to think about around here…it’s like one huge think tank where I’m constantly being pushed deeper and deeper to discover more about God, more about myself, more about life. Today’s thoughts rested on simplicity.

I think life has become overanalyzed. Moreso, I think a lot of times, our relationship with God becomes too complicated in our own minds. I know I have gotten trapped into the corner before of thinking that I have to bring this huge list of things before him. It’s almost at times like I’ve forgotten how to have a relationship…it turns into something much more goal driven than allowing myself to enjoy the journey.

We also talked in our community meeting yesterday about how we must continue going back to the basics in our faith because nothing will be achieved without the fundamentals. I heard that word many times over in my life and it’s finally starting to sink in….until the fundamentals are established, how can we ever expect to grow? If a tree cannot send its roots down into the ground, there is no basis at all for the rest of the tree to stand upon. It will fall out or blow over with the slightest wind. I think it applies just as much if not moreso to the Christian way of life. Until we are willing to devote ourselves to even the most seemingly basic things of our walk like spending time with God and praying, how can we ever expect to grow up or to remain steadfast in out Christian life? I see that as a theme at many points in my life…I assumed that I could continue growing as a Christian without spending any time whatsoever with God. I had a destination in mind and I was convinced that I could get there as fast as possible with as little effort as possible. And I was humbled from that mainly through the revelation that God is in this relationship with me for the journey, not just for the end goal. He has a heart that wants to enjoy the ride with us, to watch us grow and mature. I picture a parent who really just enjoys getting to live life with their child. They love watching their kid grow up, to see all the “firsts”, to be there for every major event and just to enjoy all the little ones. God does not want to be a theme park…he wants relationship.

So…simplicity. I see myself every so often just getting terribly bogged down with the ideas in my head of the way things are “supposed to go.” I feel like I should make my relationship with God much more complex than it should be, and I think a lot of people do that because, as they say, “nothing in life is free.” I am by no means saying that Jesus dying for us was free….it came at the greatest cost this world has ever known, but for us personally, we are able to live with God forever because He gave us the free gift of life through Jesus. No earning it. Nothing of the sort. And his love doesn’t have stipulations…he loves us just because he loves us.

My thoughts kind of trail off here because tiredness has hit. So, update on life. Since I got to Australia, life has hit just as hard as it had been going when I was at home. We’re in class most of the day getting certified to train and assess students. The Australian government dots all it’s i’s and crosses it’s t’s quite well. I should be finished with that on Friday (yay!), but this week is quite a bit of work still. The majority of my stuff will be done tomorrow thankfully. There’s just always something to do. Anyways…that’s all for now I think. I’m tired, so I’m off. Later gators.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

July 6, 2008 by amanda.stebbins.

Well, I’m back in Australia. And I realized just how long it has been since I’ve updated this thing. Whoops. I shall be better about that this time around hopefully.

For those who do not know, I have returned to Australia after 5 1/2 months at home. It was a wonderful time to get to be with my family and to process a lot of what happened in Australia last time around. Now I’m back as staff on the base. Being on staff has it’s perks…ya know, use of the staff area, fewer people to sharing a room, etc. I also have been thinking a ton about the responsibility that falls on the people on staff here, especially in the position I’m in as staff on a school.

God has called me to a much deeper level of dependence on him through this position. I do not feel the least bit qualified to be leading such a school. I’m 22 years old, which does make me several years older than the youngest students, one year older than the oldest student, and the third oldest in leadership in the school. It’s humbling to me to realize that God is placing me in a position of authority. My main duty on this school is to be in charge of intercession- once again, a humbling position. Prayer is what will have the greatest impact because prayer on behalf of the school will be binding and loosing things over the people in our school (as well as around the world considering my prayers do not just concern the school). It’s a new level of discipline God is bringing me into…one that I am very excited about but at the same time wondering why I am the one He picked for this position. I find myself in humbling positions left and right.

Being on staff for a discipleship training school is a heavy undertaking in my opinion. It is a constant pouring out of yourself for the entirety of the school so that others may learn more of who God is and how He sees them…it requires the dependence on God for the strength necessary. Our staff team is incredible….so I’ll introduce them to you so you know a little more about who I am working with.

Adam is our school leader…the one who organizes the entirety of the 5-6 months. He has poured so much prayer and preparation into this time. Adam was my school leader as well. He’s been with YWAM for quite a while, and he will be 23 in October. Adam’s heart is one that desires to pursue God completely and wholeheartedly and to enable other people to do the same. He is a man of humility and strength, and I am excited to get to learn more from him and from the wisdom God gives to him over this period of time. When I was initially in Australia, I did not want to come back at all…God had to call me back…but once I found out He wanted me back, I wanted to be able to work under Adam. I love watching God move through him and to hear God speak through him.

Erin was on staff for my school as well as being one of my outreach leaders. Absolutely sweet! She’s from Oregon in the states.

Melissa was on staff for my school as well….she is my piano buddy (she brought lots of sheet music thankfully since I didn’t.) She’s from Idaho.

Bonner was on my school….absolutely incredible worship leader. He’s from Virginia.

Jon was also on my school….the most positive person I’ve ever met as well as one of the most genuine. He’s from Norway….and he’s not back here yet

Paul- I just met Paul about 5 days ago, and we’ve had some wonderful conversations. He did his DTS here forever ago. He’s an IT guy, is from Canada, went to school in Alberta, and now he’s here

So that’s who’s on staff with me. I’ll write more about them in the future I bet….we’re family now.

Base has been terribly quiet this weekend….half the people are at a wedding for a couple from the base, and the other half seem to have disappeared somewhere over the past two days. So needless to say it’s terribly quiet around here.

More thoughts to come later. For now, just wanted everyone to know that I got here all safe and sound. So much work to be done, so very very little time….

…til next time

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »