November 30, 2007 by amanda.stebbins.

I know it’s long, but please read it….it’s wonderful.

The Lord says there is nothing you can do to make Him love you more. There is also nothing you can do to make Him love you less. He loves you because he loves you because he loves you because he loves you because he loves you because he loves you because he loves you because he loves you because that is what He is like. It is his nature to love, and you will always be the beloved. And his love is unchanging, and he loves you one hundred percent. He won’t love you any better when you become better.

He loves you one hundred percent right now. And even if you have no plans to become better, he will still love you a hundred percent because he loves you because that is the way He is. And even if you don’t want to change, he will love you one hundred percent, even if you have no plans to walk with him, he will still love you one hundred percent because that’s his nature. He loves all the way, all the time. His love is unchanging. “What will change,”says the Lord, “is your ability to receive my love. And this evening, I want to cram some more of that ability inside you.”

“So I challenge you,” says the Lord. “Open your heart to me. Open your heart to me and you will receive more of my love than you ever experienced before. I dare you,” says the Lord, “open your heart to me. Give me your heart, give me whatever your obstacle is, I’ll take it. I’ll remove it out of the way. Because I love you as you are right now. I love you one hundred percent as you are right this moment. I love you as you are.” So be loved. You are the beloved.

“It is your job,” says the Lord, “to be loved outrageously. It is why I chose you. That is why I set my love upon you, that you would live as one who is outrageously loved, that you would receive a radical love, so radical it’ll blow all your paradigms of what you think love is. And now,” says the Lord, “I will love you outrageously all the days of your life because I don’t know how to do any differently. This is who I am and this is who I will always be. This is the I Am that I promised you. I am He that loves you outrageously.”

“And you may love me back with the love that I give you. You may love me back outrageously with the outrageous love that I bestow upon you. And know this, says the Lord, you can only love me as much as you love yourself. So my love comes this evening to set you free from yourself. To set you free from how you see yourself, to set you free from the smallness of your own thinking about yourself. My love comes to set you free from rejection, and from shame, and from low self esteem, and from despair, and from abuse.”

“Because when I look at you,” says the Lord, “I see something that I love. I see someone that I can love outrageously. And I have so much to bestow upon you, so much to give you, so many places to take you in my heart. But you can’t go there unless you allow me to love you. And my love for you will break every barrier, bring every wall crashing down. And know this says the Lord, my love damages fear. My love hates fear. My love will fight fear, it will fight fear in you, it will fight fear around you, and if you have fear this evening, says the Lord, then know that you have a treat in store because my perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear where I am present because my love casts out fear. Beloved, you are my beloved. You are my beloved. And in my love I want you to feel good about yourself.”

This is my God’s heart towards you. I’m about to leave on outreach, and I don’t know how much communication I will have while I’m in the Solomons, but I want you to know before I leave that you are loved. Not just by me, but by my Father. More than you will ever know, and He desires to know you. He desires for you to desire Him. He wants time with you, not your leftover time, but your best time. He always gives you His best, without reserve. And thus He loves you. So much He would die for you. My hope for this Christmas season is that you would come to understand how He loves you. And I hope that you will see that through so many ways this Christmas, but most of all through just spending some time with Him, listening to what He is speaking and singing over you.

Merry Christmas to you all…may you find joy and peace this season in the middle of chaos and a heart of love towards all you meet.

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November 12, 2007 by amanda.stebbins.

Sitting here, listening to music and conversations of who knows how many different people, smelling hot tea, and thinking. Such is life on Monday night. I should probably be in bed, but I’m thinking, so that automatically nullifies any sleep that I would be getting.

I love people watching. It reveals a great deal about what people value. I’ve determined that you can learn a lot about a person within the first thirty minutes you know them just by observing how they act. I also think that I can get a pretty good profile of a person within the first 15 minutes of conversation…actually, that first 15-30 minutes becomes ingrained in my head, so I try to get as much information as I possibly can. I love people. And I also love being alone. Healthy balance in everything.

I have not felt so drained in such a long time. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I feel like that, but I know that that’s exactly what it is. I’m going to be thrilled when the feeling is gone, though. The constant tiredness is no fun. I’m realizing as well that I’m not able to focus as well as I was able to at one point. I don’t know what that’s about either. I suppose you could be praying for that to pass.

I would really like to write more, but I cannot focus for the life of me. There’s too many conversations going on, and I’m fairly ADD when it comes to attention span. I think what I can pull out of my head right now are just opposing ideas. I’m really wanting to travel a ton right now, and yet at the same time I want to just go home and be with my family. I want to sleep and yet I want to stay up. I want Christmas to be here and yet I’m surrounded by summer, which is odd. I want silence and yet I find comfort in noise. I want to be made uncomfortable and yet I feel stuck in a rut. I want to cut my hair and yet I want to grow it out…the growing it out wins…I want to go as long as possible without cutting it…til I get back home at least. I want to work as hard as I possibly could and yet I want to do nothing at the same time. I just don’t understand the way my mind works sometimes. It’s a beautiful mystery. And thus I leave you, having even less understanding of my mind than I do. Isn’t it wonderful that our minds are so complex, that everything that makes up who we are has such a specific job (except the appendix but I’m sure it has some job somehow), and that I am not easily understood?

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